I hate your face
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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