I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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