Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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