I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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