Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just google imaged poop.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
