I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
