Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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