he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
