Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
