dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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