my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
