Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
