she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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