Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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