The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
