the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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