Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
