you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
