so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
