Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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