U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
