wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
