your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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