Jerry, you need to find god
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
