So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
