I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
