All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
