She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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