Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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