Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
