ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
