he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
