I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
