just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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