I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
