i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
