She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
