so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
