why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I fill condoms, not promises.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
