i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
