Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
