you guys were way drunker than both of me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
