Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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