I haven't been this sober since birth.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
