The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
