shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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