His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
