I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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