the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
