What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
