Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
How naked do you want me to be?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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